all posts, mortality, nature/the environment

inconclusive and irrelevant titling 1

I’m getting tired of social media (namely instagram). It’s grasp on me is insidious and addictive, like eating sugar-free bars loaded with artificial chemicals and expecting to be healthy. The answer is obviously to remove the bandaid full sweep, and be free to let the sun reign down on the infested wound until the remnants are cleared out. But it’s so hard. It’s so addictive. It started out as a novel way to remember, to capture moments and present them in glossy snapshots. But slowly it became the type of game that isn’t fun- inadvertently tracking stats: followers, likes, comments, etc to see what kind of traction I’ve gained. What is this nonsense- gaining traction? Traction to what? I don’t want a career being beholden to my phone to make money or collect virtual fans. My whole being has grown to reject such premises for a good life. I want to touch the earth and wear dirt on my skin as often as I wear sunlight and the fragrances from what I can grow. I don’t want to have a life that requires filtering through the lens of a phone camera that is obsolete in two years time, (if that).

Also on a silly tangent, I’ve decided I’m tired of video chatting far away loved ones. From now on, starting with my sister, people must video chat me in-game with a Switch game (probably the new Animal Crossing). That way I have time to play it but without sacrificing time with family. And I’ve changed my mind, my love affair is with la langue française, so that will be the language I set my Switch to (but seriously, how could I not pick French given my primary years studying it, their healthy obsession with lavender and thyme, and them being the creators of chartreuse and farigoule, both of which I realized I love (both are herbal liquours… chartreuse is a coveted speciality with 130 herbs and plants that only 2 Carthusian monks know the entire formula for, and farigoule is a thyme liquour)). So anyway, yes, I am stacking my weird hobbies… learning french, playing video games, with faraway family socialization.

Other than that random decision, life proceeds forward as usual. The little one is so entertaining. We had our first conversation on the phone yesterday while Jake and I were preparing dinner and she was outside with Didi (her word for my mom). It went loosely as followed:

  • Me: Hello?
  • Figlet: Mama. Outside!
  • Me: Hi, Fi. You want me to come outside
  • Didi (in the background): you have to answer mama on the phone so she can hear you
  • Me: Fifi do you want mama to come outside
  • Figlet: Ya. Mama outside
  • Me: Okay, I’ll be out soon. Are you playing outside?
  • Figlet: Ya. Playing!
  • Me: Okay I am going to hang up now and come outside. Goodbye.
  • Figlet: Byebye.
  • Me: I love you
  • Figlet: I mumble mumble! *she hasn’t quite mastered the letter L yet*

I also finally have my hospice volunteer training on Sunday, and am still deep within my death doula course, which it helping me learn a lot and reflect on myself often. I have learned that I am definitely done online learning after this. I need in person stuff, or I prefer to just read things on my own. I also have had a lot of reflection on what has happened in my own life, how I perceive life and death, and what I think makes for a good life (and death).

I also have reconnected with my childhood roots. Turns out I am still obsessed with the field of naturalists (the environment studying group, not the nudists). I still want to find ways to learn all about the environments I live in, and create a magical little land for myself and for my little ones. I have so many ideas about what to do with the backyard now too; lots to grow, lots to clean up. Speaking of, we got our makeshift compost pile set up, complete with a “bridge” to walk over the muddy spots on the ground. Figlet likes to throw things into it, with a little assistance to get above the pit:

And we’ve been learning what we will be able to forage in our yard come the warmer seasons:

I also have started a love affair with the town of Frederick. It’s got awesome free events through their Master Gardeners program, and the downtown is so quaint. While some of my college friends were visiting this weekend we went their twice just to explore more. I also could help but purchase this hand forged necklace pendant of a fairy skeleton:

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