all posts, community, miscellaneous, nature/the environment

the man who tamed the birds

There are moments when we see something amazing, something that is out of the ordinary or just generally impressive. In these moments, it’s often the case that what we are seeing is Time.

As a new mom, with the privilege of choice to stay at home (which in itself is a misnomer of a phrase because the babe and I often venture out of the home ), I have an unprecedented view of Time. That isn’t to say that I have more time than anyone else, but that I am in a unique position to view it.

Often I must wait it out with Time as my babe sleeps. Time waits for no man, or so they say, but it does cozy down with a parent waiting on a sleeping child. Time and I, we sit and drink tea, and read books, and very often daydream in the quiet stolen moments of when the baby slumbers.

When the baby is awake we sometimes accompany Time on his off moments, the pockets of space where others are ensconced in their own busyness, to head out as a mother-daughter dyad and explore the world. We meander along aimlessly, especially if the weather is fair.

On one such occasion, walking down what I consider a confused highway (Mass Ave), the baby and I encountered Time as he followed along beside an older Asian man. This man caught my eye as I walked by because he too, clearly had noticed Time and abruptly but unalarmingly, stopped not too long after passing me and the baby by.

But what really kept my attention were the birds. They, these pigeons of the city, noticed the man’s approach and quickly behaved like their feral-er cousins and flocked, in rolling bumbling waves, towards the man until they were crowded opposite to him, separated by the chains of an open air lot.

The man, clearly practiced, produced a black pouch from his person, opened it deftly, and began methodically tossing measured handfuls of some sort of seeds to the bird crowd. The pigeons continued their rolling bumble over one another as they entropically scattered to maximize their collection rates.

All through this, I had slowed down myself, intrigued by this fellow Time companion, and smiled as I thought about how after this gentleman must have routinely stopped with Time to have these birds now recognize his approach in earnest.

If you ask me, I can generically say where I was (though I never know what road it was save for off Mass Ave, but I have no recollection of the hour or day. I have seen him once again since that first encounter. This second sighting, in which I paused my husband to witness as well, all I can recall are he man and his black pouch full of seeds. Other than that, Time has rubbed away any other specifics from my mind, because indeed those specifics don’t matter.


Hey, if what you read seemed dated or familiar, I’ve been combining all my other blogs’ content to this site. Please bear with me as I post older content.  🙂

all posts, community, eczema, women's health

why doesn’t the postpartum period include eczema care?

As you may or may not know about me, my goal in life (career-wise at least) is to create a company that cultivates support for women with chronic illnesses as they embark on becoming mothers. One of my dreams is that services provided will help to make up for the loss of midwifery-type support that towns and cities used to have, and combat the decrease of share “wise woman” spaces, but specifically in the context of helping women who have varying autoimmune or other chronic disorders.

In my dream scenario, this company I create is inspired by community and healthy social growth, devoted to bringing together all people, not just those who can pay, or who are healthy.

If I ever delved into having a physical space for the company (as opposed to being a traveling owner), the space would be free to visit (when not going to a scheduled appointment), and would have lots of nooks and tables and chairs for people to enjoy the space, and some days would have events that would have an entrance fee but it would be reasonable, and would include a free meal that my husband would make along with other perks like meet-the-community-support-team, free lectures/discussions, etc. We’d work with local hotels, bed and breakfasts, and other places that rent out rooms to make sure there were plenty of accommodations ready too, which would help bring money back into the town.

Anyway, I could go on for days, but as a result of my lofty goal, I constantly have my eyes peeled for events or opportunities that bring about that community feel, especially in women’s health. 4th Trimester Arizona is one of those awesome events I learned of after it occurred. It seemed like the perfect fusion of mixing the community members (moms, dads, grandparents, etc) with local businesses, and with health/health care professionals, allowing for support and engagement for new moms and their families. The event included workshops, panels, free wellness services, a dad track, bonding activities, and more, all with the intent of strengthening community.

Going through a few of the speakers of 4th Trimester Arizona led me to Matrescence 4th Trimester Planning and Support, an organization started by Caitlin Green Cheney and Elizabeth Wood. They hold workshops that include how to prepare for the 4th trimester, including how to make a support system. Here is a Q&A session they did that tells a little more about their company and their backgrounds/how they got to where there are. They also encouraged me, because although they are more of a service you pay for, their intent is still to help provide education in tandem with support. I am finding that one thing most humans seem to crave in this day is more support in their endeavors; the world has gotten so big and diverse that finding a space where you feel a part of is so important. Hence my whole reason for wanting to become a postpartum advisor for women that are usually the most isolated, those who are chronically ill.


Hey, if what you read seemed dated or familiar, I’ve been combining all my other blogs’ content to this site. Please bear with me as I post older content.  🙂

all posts, community, nature/the environment, parentings/things about baby and kids

on parenting, environmentalism, and community

I read the book Achtung Baby by Sara Zaske, which was a great read all about the differences in parenting mentalities and practices of Germany (specifically Berlin) versus the U.S. It covered categories ranging from policies about children walking to and from school alone, to history courses offered at their respective schools and the differing practices when it comes to forming children’s senses of cultural and civic responsibility, to how to allow the children to establish confidence in themselves.

Zaske also addresses the importance of unstructured play on future development of children, and how to try to change/influences policies where you live.

I read this books, not to replace my own instincts in parenting my baby, but to understand how much of my parenting style is built from within a specific culture, and is not just “intuition”. The more I read, the more I see what culture I am blended within, and the more I can truly pick and choose what works best for me.

Of the “parenting” books, I have also read The Happiest Kids in the World by Rina Mae Acosta and Michele Hutchinson. It depicts two expats’ views on parenting, this time in the Netherlands. The expats were one British woman and one American woman talking about their insights into raising children (from infancy to eleven years of age) based on the fact that parenting in the Netherlands focuses on creating happy children. The whole society gets involved to make it a priority.

It’s a good read, and I recommend it for any parents who are worried that they are trying to push their children into checking off too many accomplishment boxes, without taking into account their children’s wants and preferences. Or it’s a fun read if you are just curious to understand how parenting is done in other places.

Previously, I also read Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman, and French Twist by Catherine Crawford. So my distribution in countries has extended to Germany, France, and the Netherlands but I am working to expand that presently.

These books aren’t here to specifically instruct or convince readers on a certain way of how to parent per se. In fact, most of the authors are expats raising their kids in a new culture and then trying to blend that with their their own in attempt to find balance. However, they all do reflect on commonalities they see in whatever society they are part of at the time, the one that shapes their raising of children. They also do end up implanting little nuggets in the malleable pockets of my gray matter that make me question the status quo of my own culture. In particular, why does my culture (and many others) prioritize working above all?

How does removing playtime for young children and filling it with structured activities with parental supervision impact both the future generations of children as well as the parents currently doing the implementation? What can individuals do to try to mitigate the cascade of symptoms that lead to a cemented cultural practice enforced by litigation (the culture of suing everyone and everything for accidents)?

My mind is teeming with perceived implications for my own little one, and I’m wrought with fervor to carve out a way to achieve the most balanced route for her to grow as her own person. Now I wouldn’t say I worry about her future yet in the anxious melodramatic ways that bubbles into most of my thoughts, but I would say I’m genuinely curious about what happens next. How do I find like minded, community-based people who want to preserve the innocence of youth, but also encourage the growth of young independence in a society that looks to constant busyness as a sign of success? Is it possible within our societal framework? Also, what is happiness and how do we create a space for our children to discover it, and have it be lasting? More to come on this subject in later posts!

One last tie-in I have for today. I read a book called There’s No Such Thing As Bad Weather by Linda Åkeson McGurk, and it compared different aspects of parenting in Scandinavian countries versus the United States (and other English-speaking countries). Much of it compares how the way we raise our children in regards to their relationships with nature. According to McGurk, in Scandinavia they have more focus on outdoor education for young children so that when those children grow up, they continue to appreciate nature and are naturally (ha, pun) more inclined towards environmental protection.

But another large takeaway from the book was that your society has to support these kinds of initiatives. In some Scandinavian countries, people can cross over (or children can play on) other people’s private land/property (think huge backyards and fields) legally, so long as they don’t cause any damage.

The countries also work to instill independence and responsibility in their children by letting them take more age-appropriate risks (like 8 year olds walking to and from parks alone, or playing outside for hours after they’ve gradually learned the areas with their families). I also recently re-watched Lord of the Rings with my husband, and it always instills in me how important nature is to humans, and how much of humanity just sees it as something to conquer rather than a large part of our health and happiness. We forget that we need the good bacteria from the soil and plants, that the fresh air helps decrease infection and disease risks, that our food either comes from or is fed from nature, that we derive a sense of peace from greenery, and that we can find comfort with change by appreciating seasonal life cycles.

It feels like letting our children learn from and develop stronger appreciations from nature sets them up with a good baseline to be happier and healthier than we are. I’m excited to hear and see about all the different initiatives small communities in America enact to figure out the balance that works for each child and family.


Hey, if what you read seemed dated or familiar, I’ve been combining all my other blogs’ content to this site. Please bear with me as I post older content.  🙂

all posts, community, women's health

on matrescence

If you follow news in the field of maternal health, you may have heard the term matrescence thrown around in the last year or so.

Often defined as the transition of a woman into motherhood, it has also been likened to going through adolescence again, mom-style, due to:

  • the fluctuation in hormones,
  • the rapid changes in the body,
  • the newly forming identity of oneself and one’s place in society, as well as
  • changes in one’s day to day life.

Alexandra Sacks, a psychiatrist, wrote a piece in the NY Times called The Birth of A Mother that proposes an idea for why this transition is so powerful, but often overlooked. She explains how a lot of this transition is overshadowed because society focuses on the baby and ignores how momentous of a change it is for the mother.

This lack of conversation around the realities of becoming a mother has been suspect in being one of the many factors that contributes to postpartum depression, as a mother may feel she is supposed to be ecstatic about her newborn baby, without expressing any negative emotions despite the magnitude of change her life has just undergone.

In effort to mitigate that mental divide, allowing mothers to express all their emotions, and to create recognition in society about the magnitude of change motherhood is, many companies, academic institutes, and individual professionals are researching and producing more information about this time, working to get the message across. Another huge player in the field is the clinical psychologist Aurélie Athan, whose focus is on reproductive psychology. She looks at both striving and struggling moms in order to normalize the transition to motherhood and continues to work to revive the term and meaning of matrescence. She has even worked on getting some of the first academic concentrations and graduate-level certificate programs created that focus on reproductive and maternal wellbeing because she recognizes the importance of getting health providers, activists, and others involved in the spread of awareness about matrescence.

So if you are a new mom wondering why you feel so off, so different, and how to deal with these feelings of ambivalence towards your new life, know that you are not alone and that you should definitely speak up about how you feel. It will help cultivate a culture of acceptance around our motherhood adolescence.


Hey, if what you read seemed dated or familiar, I’ve been combining all my other blogs’ content to this site. Please bear with me as I post older content.  🙂 This is a quick blurb from the women’s health field (a field I find endlessly fascinating).

all posts, community, miscellaneous

a community is like a spider web

Jake and I had been talking when he said something that made my brain go “OH!” and basically re-wired years of misguided searching. What he said to me was, “I think you are confusing community with suburbia. You grew up in a suburb, but you had a community… most of the time suburbia is not synonymous with community.”

Now that may seem obvious to you readers, but for me it was an eye opening moment. For years I have waxed poetic about how and where I grew up, equating the two in my mind and constantly yearning to find that again as an adult, in a new place. We actually currently live in a suburb (though a weird one because it acts like a seceded city from a larger nearby one. It also gets terrible amounts of run-off traffic that only a coastal town abutted by a huge city can get).

When Jake said that to me it hit me that that was what is missing from here versus where I grew up. I lived in the same place from ages 11-23ish and got to re-invent my life in my community over and over again. I had friends in the area sure, but even after many of them came and went I had their parents, my neighbors, new co-workers with whom often shared people in common who we knew, random encounters with townsfolk, etc. The life felt interwoven and connected despite me spreading my wings in multiple literal towns.

So while I was taking a bath today I was thinking about my community and what it takes to have one and why I don’t have one here. Some of it is definitely a product of time. I have only lived in this town for 10 months now, most of which I was pregnant for or had just given birth, and for all of it I was sleep deprived and battling topical steroid withdrawal. So yes, I haven’t been spreading my roots as aggressively as I could have. I started out strong: when I moved here, I baked cookies and delivered them to neighbors’ houses with hand-sketched phoenixes as a weird get-to-know-you thing; and then I also made it a point to meet all the librarians during multiple library visits, and also explored the farmers market on occasion. But then between my physical condition and my pre-to-post baby phase, I grew tired.

That and was hard to establish a deep connection when one is in different stages of life. Our neighbors are mostly all parents with kids who are between 9-19 years old, and the parents themselves are probably all in their 40s (I’m guessing). Many of the parents include one of the couple who is a state native, and if not born-and-bred in this town, they were probably born in one within a 15 mile radius, and thus lots of them have family around. Many of them are working, or randomly gone a lot of the time so it’s always a chance encounter when I do see them.

It’s also just a different type of town than what I grew up in. This is car community. I’ve tried to make it walkable to the extent that I love, but the sidewalks end randomly and the roads are hilly and windy, and people tend to speed aggressively. It was fine when it was just me on foot, but with Fiona in her stroller I just don’t feel as comfortable.

But how does this relate to a spider web? And why am I thinking about spiders when I have such a phobia of them? Well, I’ve been reading a lot of southern-set books lately (first ‘Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil’ by John Berendt and most recently ‘The Prince of Tides’ by Pat Convoy), and the one thing they have in common is a deep-seeded love for their environment. They talk about the flora and the fauna and the smells and the colors as an important part of the experience around the stories they weave.

In The Prince of Tides (which is fiction), there is a background story within the story that talks about how black widow spiders helped save the family from a murderous intruder (because the children released the spiders all over said intruder) and how afterwards the family never killed another spider again, and it made me think about spiders and my own fear of them. Then when Jake and I were discussing community, I thought to myself, “hey, a community is kind of like a web” and that led to this post.

A community is like a web. And by this I mean that the ideas behind a web almost fully apply (if taken with creative liberties).

A web is built slowly over time,
One thin gossamer strand at a time
With the determination of knowing what it should look like
But innately, without blueprint,
With knowledge of its fragility
And understanding of the need for constant adjustment
As bugs and debris and miscellaneous items rend it broken.
It is made over an existing space
Be it flora, or the existing corners of a barn
Or something in-between
The web does not exist without some sort of baseline structure
But it can be recreated over and over again in new places
As need demands, thread by thread
Again and again as it suits the needs of its creators

Anyway, that’s where my mind was roaming today. I think it’s also why I yearn to move back to my parents’ area. I found a community I liked and now I just want to return to it so Fiona can experience it too. Maybe that’s lazy, but I make no excuses for it.

all posts, community, miscellaneous

dolly parton and body positivity

The other day I watched one of those Netflix originals movies called Dumplin’ (based off a book of the same name by Julie Murphy), and for some reason it just grew more and more on me and I actually ended up watching it twice in a row (the second time because I wanted to share it with Jake). I’d say I was drawn to the film because it depicted a coming-of-age story and body positivity in a better, more realistic light. Rather than stick to tropes about the misunderstood teenager or underappreciated mom, the story came into its own by the protagonist teen learning to accept her reality (being overweight) and not let her own misconceptions color or limit her life experience. I know that’s vague but I am attempting to avoid spoilers for anyone interested in watching it.

A majority of the movie characters also fan-girl over Dolly Parton and use her songs and words as inspiration to live their best lives, such as:

  • “find out who you are and do it on purpose”
  • “you’ll never do a whole lot unless you’re brave enough to try”

among many others that pepper the movie with external applicability and general charm. The whole point of the movie, besides family bonding, was to show the importance of developing confidence and trust in who you are and those in your life who support you, even if you don’t understand how or why.

I feel that this resonates so strongly with living with eczema. It can be a constant battle to accept yourself in this skin, and not assume everyone is silently judging you or that you don’t belong. However, it is also crucial that such feelings don’t stop you from being genuine and always trying, even if it feels uncomfortable. And as for those supporting you, you have to be able to accept that they see you beyond your skin, because the skin you’re in doesn’t define who you are.

I personally don’t know much about Dolly Parton, but after watching this movie full of her quotes and songs, I am inspired to learn more about her and listen to her music, especially if I’m ever feeling down. Dolly Parton fans feel free to throw out recommendations.

I also inexplicably wondered what it would be like to have regional eczema balls (the dance kind), that allow those living with eczema to let their metaphorical hair down and mix and mingle in a somewhat formal setting to create their own sense of magical community and touch of the unexpected. Actually I do know how that got into my head. I had been talking with a friend who got into dancing and it just felt like something that could be a lot of fun. Just imagine if you had a room full of understanding people who get the red-skinned, elephant-wrinkled, constant itch and snowflake life, and so they can all dance despite it, no worries, just silliness.